I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
