my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
