so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
