I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
