M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
