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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
