I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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