***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
In America we eat man semen.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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