Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
