3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have fence marks all over my body
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
