there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
