he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
