The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
