There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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