This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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