According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
