Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
