you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
