I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
