do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
