There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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