I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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