I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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