Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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