When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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