What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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