You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
