i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
