Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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