I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
