Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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