Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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