So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
