Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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