I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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