Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
