i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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