Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
