im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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