20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
