I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
