Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
