You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
