Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
