i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
