____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
