Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
