This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
