I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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