Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I love you.
Bad choice
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
