Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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