I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So here I am, sexting at work.
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