I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
